When Children Aren't On The Menu

Monday, May 9, 2016
Slay Magazine

What do you do when the person you love…doesn’t want children? Everyone assumes all women want children, but they don’t. I know you may find it hard to believe, but some women don’t have the maternal instinct to nurture a child. Now men may be ok with this in the beginning of a relationship, because that may not be something they’re even thinking about. But once that relationship status goes from casual dating to “this is my soulmate”, it’s something to consider. Issues will for sure arise if he thinks he can change her mind. And vice versa. Some men JUST DON’T WANT TO BE A FATHER. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d rather have a man that knows he doesn’t want kids instead of one that has kids and is a lazy deadbeat dad. I hear ladies all the time say “oh I can change his mind, once he gets around my nieces and nephews he’ll fall in love with kids.” NOT. If anything it’ll make him realize even more that he doesn’t want them. Let’s be honest, babies/toddlers/pre-teens/teenagers aren’t as nice as they are made out to be on tv lol. They’re loud, active, troublemakers that’s ALWAYS into something. And I mean always!! No way to get around it. And for someone that doesn’t want them, that can be the most annoying, irritating, frustrating thing to be around. I love my son to death, but I never wanted a house full of children running up behind me screaming “mama” all day. Hence the reason why I have one lol. Plus I never wanted to have “baby daddies” emphasis on the S.

I know of a couple where he wanted kids, she didn’t, and in the end, he ended up divorcing her. He said the only thing missing from their marriage was the fact that he wanted to be a father. He wanted someone to carry on his name. His legacy. He tried convincing her for almost 5 years and she wouldn’t budge (to this day she still doesn’t have any). Was he wrong for leaving? Some may say yes, some may say no. But this is something that needs to be discussed early on in a relationship, before you set yourself up for failure. Going in thinking you can change someone will only cause discomfort and aggravation for you. Listen. Pay attention. A person will usually reveal to you who they are and what they want long before they get married, but it falls on deaf ears when we have those rose colored glasses on. And we all know how those glasses can hide a person’s faults and flaws. Always be on the same page (or as close to it as possible) with your significant other. Less stress, less drama, happy life :-)

By: Nikki J

"I speak from failure and experience"


Sign up to receive email alerts about magazine issues, events, and much more.
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.