Out With The OId/ In With The New

Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Slay Magazine

*Please note this article is based on my opinion and personal experiences*

Starting over with someone new is a big challenge many of us face after being in a long term relationship that didn’t work out. It’s quite scary to be honest. Having to learn all over again someone’s personality, mood swings, what makes them laugh, what makes them angry, what they like & don’t like, favorite movies, food, drink, dessert,  EVERYTHING! It makes my head spin just thinking about it. I for one have chosen to not go through the process for someone I didn’t feel would be around long. If we’re keeping it real, being faced with that challenge has a lot to do with why some choose to stay with someone they know they aren’t happy with. They tend to stay because of familiarity and a certain comfort level so they force it to work. 

Image result for new relationship

I have a friend that’s been married about 17 years, but miserable the last 3; however, he knows her and he's comfortable with her so he’s afraid to take that next step. Often times he uses me as an outlet to vent and ask for advice. I don’t mind giving advice but at the end of the day that decision is all him. I asked him once why did he continue to stay if they’ve tried all avenues (counseling, talking, compromising) with no success. His response, “I’m afraid of starting over and more afraid of being lonely.” Now don’t get me wrong, I get it. I’ve been there; however, my peace of mind gave me the strength I needed to do what I had to do. There’s nothing like having a peace of mind! I can’t stress that enough.

Yes, we sometimes thrust back into the dreaded dating world even if we didn’t want it but as human we adapt to our situation and make it work. Life goes on. Dwelling on what was and what could have been won’t get it back. This brings us back to the original reason for this blog "out with the old and in with the new". It’s easy to go back to what’s easy and comfortable. No one likes change but sometimes change can be a blessing. You can’t stay in a relationship rut forever. I don’t think anyone would WANT to live in a situation where they aren’t excelling to the fullest and enjoying every minute of it with their significant other. Life’s too short people and we only get to do this once. If you’re in the position of having to start over with someone new, don't run from it, embrace it. You never know, it might just be the best thing to ever happen to you.

By: Nikki J


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